well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
