I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
