wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
