I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize