Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
