Can i not drive my cunt home
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
