Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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