she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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