dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
