You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
