WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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