I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
