somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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