Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We got so high we made milksteak
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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