I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize