I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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