you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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