I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize