I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
