everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
