I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
