He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
