is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
