If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
