hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
