He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize