My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize