I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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