She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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