what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
