is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
