I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
