the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
