everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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