is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
