you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
