3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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