I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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