OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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