ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize