Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
