I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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