If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
