wrigley field is MILF paradise
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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