If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
