So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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