WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
