and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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