ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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