RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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