I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
