2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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