hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
