So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize