the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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