The best revenge is premature balding
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
