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• (913): View more from Kansas

  No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass

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• (530): View more from California

  People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I take it you're alive?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.

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• (714): View more from California

  Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now

  (714): View more from California

  False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life

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