apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize