how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
