I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
