Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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