She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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