Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
