You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
