I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
