do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
