Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
