Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
