im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
