i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You can't just leave with hair like that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
