The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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