it was like his penis was on wheels.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize