are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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