She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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