Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
