operation have a gay friend backfired
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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