Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
