I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
