DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
