Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
