I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
