dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
