a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize