I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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