I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
