hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
