saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
