We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize