Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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