Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
