I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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